Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
