You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
