he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize