I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
