i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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