I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How naked do you want me to be?
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