I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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