He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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