saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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