He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
