i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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