but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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