roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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