we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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