dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
