Is it normal to miss your booty call?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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