I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
