he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
