it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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