I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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