I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
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Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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