We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
