the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
