So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
