I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
