i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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