he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sober January is a disaster.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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