somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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