i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
