my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
