it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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