I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
