How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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