wanna go halves on a baby?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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