So drunk, too bad you don't want this
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
