did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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