all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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