I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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