She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
