out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
