So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
