I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
