erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
