after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
