i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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