I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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