he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
