Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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