im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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