SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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