WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
