I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
