the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Boobs are out for the taking
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
