You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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