My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Jerry, you need to find god
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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