Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
