Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
