So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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