i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drunk is not a location!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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