My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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