Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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