im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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