Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
