I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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