So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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