Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
