I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
