she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
