It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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