ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
