Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize